My dear friend Rajhav turned 50 last year and
has been researching the broad topic of meaning and fulfilment in life. Some of you may laugh and say - hasn't he got anything better to do, to which I say hmmm! What else is there?
One of the gems he found was top 5 regrets of
the dying which he decided to share with with me.
This is written by a palliative care nurse
Bronnie Ware based on her experience of taking care of the dying.
1. I wish I'd had
the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the
most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over
and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone
unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had
to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health
brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't
worked so hard.
"This came
from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and
their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most
were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been
breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of
their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had
the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people
suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they
settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable
of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment
they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had
stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they
would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying
weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so
caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over
the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time
and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying."
5. I wish that I
had let myself be happier.
"This is a
surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their
physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their
selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly
and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve
or change before you die?